Kindness Makes Us Happier
“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.
If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”
Dalai Lama
I had an experience this week that expanded my appreciation of the power of a simple act of kindness. Part of my journey has been to look for opportunities to say a few words of kindness to strangers – not just in person, but also when I’m on the phone.
I was speaking with an AT&T support person who was helping us resolve an issue with our phone service. She was very helpful. After previous attempts to solve the problem by two other people, she actually knew what to do, and we were relieved and grateful to her. I told her, “Thank you. You are very good at what you do, and I appreciate your help.”
After a pause, she said, quietly, “Thank you so much. You make my heart happy.”
Hearing her response made MY heart happy. A simple thank you is always good, and it would have been followed by “You’re welcome,” as a normal courtesy. Taking the time for a few extra words of appreciation opened the door for a deeper impact, and we were Both happier.
We all know that we feel happy when people are kind to us, but we also feel good when we are kind. A newly published review of decades of kindness research concluded that people who were kind tended to be healthier and happier. They found that people who performed random, informal acts of kindness, like sitting with a friend going through a hard time, tended to be happier than people who performed more formal acts of kindness, like volunteering with a local charity. This is not to suggest that we do not feel good when we volunteer, but apparently, we get an extra energetic boost when we perform spontaneous acts of kindness.
The researchers also found that people who were kind experienced “eudaimonic happiness” (a sense of meaning and purpose in life) rather than “hedonic happiness” (a sense of pleasure and comfort). People who were kind tended to have higher self-esteem and, to a lesser degree, they also experienced less depression and anxiety, and even improved physical health (among older adults). Researcher Elizabeth Midlarsky of Columbia University concluded that the research showed that being kind may make us feel better about ourselves, distract us from our own troubles, and help us be more socially connected with others.
It seems as if the chemistry in our bodies conspires to support and encourage kindness. When we are kind or when we receive or witness kindness, we get a rush of chemicals, including serotonin and endorphins (the body’s “feel good chemicals”), and oxytocin (the “tend and befriend hormone”). Together, they enhance our feeling of wellbeing, increase our bonding to one another, and make us feel happy.
That, alone, is enough to entice us to find new ways to spread kindness in our daily lives.
Enjoy your journey!
Image by Rachel Scott from Pixabay
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Please help us spread the message of kindness.
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We are enjoying this journey with you!
Love from our hearts to yours,
Pat and Larry
While waiting outside at Affordable Exhaust to have my car fixed a few days ago; Two other men along with me had an incredible experience of receiving kindness, giving kindness and witnessing kindness being given.
The two waiting men in Que with me were carrying on a conversation about what each other is doing or had done for a living. At first when I tried to add to their conversation, I was ignored mostly by the older man whose speech was definitely of one who spoke with his cup half or less filled regarding his life. As our wait time went one, I started to develop a car talk relationship with the younger man. He does car repairs for his family on the side and knew a lot about my 21 year old Camry. I felt comfortable popping my car hood so he could take a look. Not only did he teach me a lot to keep my Princess Pearl (my car) going, but we both enjoyed the journey of me learning car mechanics 101. Once this young man left, I started talking to the older man about how kind Dennis was to teach me great things about my car. This man replied, “Dennis does not know what PTSD is since I served on the front line in Vietnam and was able to kill the Vietcong easily thanks to my daddy bringing me up that way. Dennis had told us earlier that he had served in Iraq once and Afghanistan twice. Fortunately my attention was diverted to this sweet, kind woman that was in distress about needing a paper signed by the owner of the exhaust shop, but did not want to cut ahead of anyone and “be ugly”. I said that Gregg, (the owner and worker of the shop) was working on the gentleman’s car I was talking to and he may be alright with a short interruption. The kindness here is that gentleman walked with her into the shop and explained what she needed from the owner. She emerged moments later Grateful and very happy to go on and pick up her children. I thanked the man for his act of kindness. He know remained quiet and maybe humbled. Now his car was finished and I asked his name before he lift. He said Greg, just like the owner! We both laughed. I said nice meeting you Gregg as my car was driven into the shop. I could surely see how this day was better for all, as we 5 people acted kind to one another. WOW! KINDNESS SURE DOES BREED KINDNESS!!!!
PPS Thank you Pat and Larry for doing this weekly blog of KINDNESS.
Thank you, Maggie. It’s fun when we see kindness spreading in front of us.