Why are Some People Invisible to Us?

Open your heart—open it wide.
Someone is standing outside.
Mary Engelbreit

 

We have spoken before about invisible people in our lives – people whom we pass and choose not to see. For many people, homeless folks fall into that category. For others, it may be people of color, people with disabilities, or people who look disheveled, who seem not to respect themselves enough to meet a certain standard of appearance.

We make silent judgments that it is easier to ignore them, not wanting to engage or not knowing how to engage. That is a big subject. Today, let’s look a little closer at the invisible people in our personal lives.

Who is standing outside my heart waiting to be invited in?

Part of our kindness journey is identifying people in our personal lives who seem invisible - sometimes, even when physically present.

Have you had the experience of being a gathering of family or friends and you noticed that someone is left out of the discussion? That may be the choice of a quiet person, content to listen, not wanting to take part in the discussion. It might be fear of not having anything worthwhile to share. As a shy child, I experienced that.

Rather than ignoring a silent one, we could acknowledge them by inviting them into the conversation. Often that opens a door for them to participate. The response of the group is important at that point. Criticizing their idea or making fun of it is a sure way to prevent their sharing in the future. It requires us to be mindful of the needs of the person.

Reaching Out Can Be Awkward

The most common way to exclude someone is to ignore them completely. I have cousins whom I haven’t seen or spoken with for many years.

In a case like this, you have both changed in the years that have passed. Is it possible that you can reconnect and find that you have enough in common on which to build a relationship? Perhaps happy family memories. Perhaps experiences that would be uplifting to share with each other. Perhaps books that mean a lot in your life or a video about a shared interest.

There are so many possibilities.

We can realize who else we have made invisible in our lives and decide to reach out. In many families and with old friends, that would be all it would take to reconnect. Our lives are busy. People have moved and not let people know. For some, a reconnection might mean a lot to them – and to you.

We could step up and acknowledge someone we had never spoken with. – perhaps a neighbor who never speaks to us. Some might respond to a smile and a kind comment. Others might not.

Our reaching out might lead to a pleasant relationship, one that includes smiles and greetings when we see each other, perhaps even more. We choose how we respond to them at our encounter, and they choose how to respond in return

Part of kindness is respecting other people’s choices.

Reaching out doesn’t always lead to a reconnection. I have an older brother who had a falling out with our family many decades ago. He has reappeared a few times at family gatherings, but little in between.

Years ago, he decided to ignore our younger brother, Bob, and me. I continued to call and leave a message on his birthday. No response. His choice.

Time to let go.

Disconnect in a Family

Larry’s experience was different. He was seven years older than his brother, Marshall. He was out of the family home while Marshall was in 5^th grade. With their age difference and with Larry’s busy sports schedule in high school, they were not close.

Although they did see each other infrequently at family gatherings, neither one reached out to make a deeper connection.

About 20 years ago, their cousin Mickie let Larry know that Marshall was dying. He encouraged Larry to visit him so they could reconnect. I was with them during that visit, and I saw how much it meant to both of them. A short time later, Marshall passed away. He was at peace.

Larry was at peace also. It was a healing to his heart that he did not realize that he needed.

Who is waiting to be invited into your heart?

You probably won’t know until you reach out to them and see their response. There might be a gift in it for both of you.

Let’s make this fun!

Wishing you courage, peace and joy on your journey.

     Image by Vlad Ymyr from Pixabay

What are your thoughts? Do these ideas speak to you? Please leave a comment below. Thank you.

Help us to spread messages of kindness. If you know others who might appreciate these ideas, please share below.

We’re grateful that you are on this journey with us.

With love from our hearts to yours,
Pat and Larry